Toradora ep. 21

Cliffhanger.. Ok this episode's pace is fast, events moving rapidly, yet drawing the tension out, as you just need to see what happens in the next second. It seems that Minorin continues to pretend as if nothing has happened, and once again disappeared behind that mask of cheeriness. Taiga tries her best to pull them together, all the while trying extremely hard to suppress her feelings for Ryuuji, which appears to be no longer with Kitamura any more. The story goes on on this beautiful winter skiing vacation. The guys finds out about Ryuuji's crush, and rejection and decides to barge into the girls' room for an explanation. Unfortunately for them, the room was empty. Taiga suddenly appears, and knowing how awkward the situation would look(Imagine 3 guys in a girls room rifling through their clothes and belongings.. T.T), they quickly hid themselves into the cupboard. And thus, they switched from barging into the room openly, to apparently sneaking around. One of guys makes a noise, and Taiga was about investigate, when suddenly more girls appear. OO.. More complications.. Ryuuji hurriedly pulls Taiga into the cupboard(3 guys and 1 girl squished into a small cupboard.. gg), and prevents her from screaming. It appears that among the incoming girls, were Ami, and Minori. The discussion soon reaches reaches the rejection of Ryuuji by Minori. Perhaps Ami purposely did it, to find out where Minori stood about this matter, or perhaps she just wanted to spite her, being jealous of her. Either way, Ami provoked Minori. Next day, a fight ensued between the 2 of them over this small matter. Once again, the Ami did the provoking again, whether out of petty spite, or intentionally, to force Minori to show her hand. Their fight had one unexpected consequence; the hair clip that Ryuuji originally tried to give to Minori, fell out. Taiga went down a steep snow slope to save it, unnoticed by others. So when her missing presence was finally felt, it was too late, for a snowstorm was coming. That's when the episode plot climaxed. Ryuuji went to find Taiga, realises that she was actually after the hair clip, and saw that she fell and hurt herself badly. He curses himself for straying from her side, and allowing her to get hurt(again!), and bends over to pick her up. Taiga thought it was Kitmura saving her, and in her delirium, confessed that she couldn't stop feeling for Ryuuji. (!!!!) Yea, then the episode ended.

Minori probably thought she was doing a good deed when she rejected Ryuuji. She knew that Taiga would ultimately like Ryuuji, and thought she shouldn't be so selfish. Yet the best of intentions bought so much unforeseen pain. Ryuuji dejected and confused, Taiga confused and in pain, Ami jealousy and melancholy that she cannot do more than watch the strange relationship going on between the 2 girls and 1 guy. Despite all this, we cannot say whether her choice was a wrong one. For even if she had accepted Ryuuji's feelings, it would have still brought pain for Taiga, and jealousy from Ami. Ryuuji himself may think he likes Minori, but he has been caring for Taiga for a pretty long period, ultimately, it will still create confusion for him. Who are we to say which is the best intention? We cannot even judge whether the choices are good or bad. Indeed, there is no good or bad, only our personal opinion of it. And everybody's opinion on it differs to different extents. Every choice leads to a set of consequences, desirable ones and undesirable ones. Everyone's concept of which is a desirable consequence differs too.

Knowing the concept of the meaningless of right and wrong, have caused me to agree with everyone and disagree with everyone. It is tiring to put on a different mask for every single person. It is no longer tiring, I have become numb and skilled at it.

Interactions are the color of this world, but I seem to missing in color from this world. Too long I have observed and watched, not participating, recognising it as a trap. A trap of misery that all humans walked themselves into. People bring themselves happiness, at the same time, walk themselves into misery. I seem to be keeping away from both, hence lacking that color of the world. The curse of knowledge perhaps.

I await episode 22 with great interest and impatience.

Chooser of the Slain

Went to watch Valkyrie at Vivocity as part of company cohesion thing today.. Its basically a show about Hitler, and an assassination attempt. Overall, it was ok. I was kept at tension throughout the whole thing, because I just had to see what was the result of this attempt. I knew it failed, but it looked very promising to success. The plan looked like it was success story, but it failed. Thanks to all the unlucky appearing as obstacles. Now, the question is why did such a brilliantly planned assassination attempt fail? Some would point their finger on that general who failed to immediately put into effect Operation Valkyrie after the bombing, but waited for a full 3 hours before someone got fed up and took the inititative to activate it. Might the refusal of one general with the power of Valkyrie to join the coup, be it? Some would point it on the failure to kill Hitler with the bomb. I must say here, I was extremely disappointed with the effects of the bomb, because it boasted that it would be able to kill a Panzer. All that happened was just as if a strong gust blown outwards from the point of explosion. Some would say it was just bad luck that the location of the meeting was changed, from within the windowless concrete building to a place outside with lots of windows. It was theorised beforehand, that the air concussion waves inside such a concrete windownless building would bounce around and amplify the damage caused, instantly killing everybody in the building. Perhaps, it was just plain unlucky that Hitler himself managed to talk to the head of army, thus terminating the operation early. Thrice unlucky that the telegraph officer refused to pass on the message of the people staging the coup, instead passing on the orders from Hitler.

Whatever it was, it was pretty hard to pin the cause down, because all of them played a part in contributing to the failure of the attempt. However, failure is not an excuse not to do what one perceives is right. If one only engages in activities that will with certainty contribute to a win, well, I can say such a life must a pretty boring and linear, with little returns to speak of. On the balancing scale for engaging such a event, perhaps it not just enough to consider concrete gains and costs, but also a separate dimension, for potential gains and costs. Higher gains, but more unlikely, and higher costs too.

Failure does not signify that the choice is a wrong one. It may be a wrong one. Thereafter, it is again a choice whether, with the extra information of this failure, to continue doing it, or if it is just a one-off kind of thing, to just live with your mistake. Too many people encounter failure and lose the courage to continue with it.

Perhaps people do not understand the meaning of choice yet. Or maybe, they do not even understand what is life, or what it means to live.

Memories.. Hand of fate

The girl is the only one in the world. That made her the god of this world. She found herself on an island when she began to understand things around her.

There was a mansion on the island, which was connected to an old castle by a passageway. She did not know why for what purpose those structures which completely seemed to be unfit in the environment were built there. She did not need to know why. And besides, the girl never wondered why she had been there before she realize. There were a huge amount of preserved foods and daily necessaries inside the warehouse of the castle, so she did not have to starve (although she was hungry until she realized these were eatable). But she almost died several times because of sickness and injuries. In most cases, she almost got herself killed by eating either spoiled food or plants and inorganic things around her.

She used the mansion as a residential area, and almost never set her foot in the old castle. There was no particular reason to draw a line between the two structures. It was only a rational judgment that the old castle was unfit for her to live there. She had nothing to do. The island was small, and one could go around it in half a day by foot. All she could see at the beach was the ocean, the sky, clouds and the horizon stretching as far as she could see in a 360-degree view.That was the everything the world offered.

There were tons of books which she could not finish reading even if she spent her enitire life. The contained everything in this world. The stories written in the books were all about people. People cannot live alone. There were many books with that written in them. However, the girl was alone. She lived by herself. Laughing, crying, things that were previously of value, none of them were needed. They were irrelevant. They were redundant.

The girl was the first average person in human history. The average of the statistics is exactly the sum of herself. That is why everything she does is correct. And at the same time, everything could be wrong. After all, the girl is the only one in the world. That made her the god of her world.

One day, the girl tried to light a fiew on the beach. Because there was an episode in a book about a person who lit a signal fiew after being stranded on an island. A white line rose up to the deep, blue sky. She thought, "What's this thing that's just like a cloud?" and put her face close to it. Her eyes and throat were hurt badly. She backed off in confusion and gazed at it from a distance. She understood it was useless. Likewise, she began to understand one thing after another. She understood what "understanding" meant.

The girl began to paint. Books, musical instruments, pictures. Amond those things, it was a tool most likely to create a human. But it did not go well. She got tired of it many times. Iy did not matter anway, even if she got tired of it. When the season changed, she had enough.

She finished the painting before long. She found out that she was more suited for drawing realistic scenes. As long as she was able to draw something that looked like it, it was fine. Something that did existed there. Drawing humans might be something hard to do. So she thought.

One day, she painted a human being. A boy. It was pretty good. So, she decided to add a figure of the boy into the paintings of landscapes she had painted. She put up those paintings in the same places where she painted them. There was not a single place on the island where she did not paint. The girl was with the boy everywhere. It meant that the girl and the boy looked at each other everytime she looked at the paintings. But the girl had no feeling of achievement. "Would it be a 'human'?" she thought. "No. This is a painting of a human being." He did not move. He did not think. He was simply there. "Lonely?" Finally, she could ask herself that question for she had discovered the word. She was not lonely.

The girl began to look at the painting a lot. When she stared at the boy in the painting, she had a strange feeling. "Lets marry." She somehow had that idea. In the books, there were an unusual number of stories relating to marriage. It was described as something important in people's life, She began to study the marriage system in detail. The girl married on the next day. She found a dress in the castle. She pretended to ask herself, "Do you vow to marry?" In her mind, she pretended to answer "Yes." And then she kissed the boy in the painting. It tasted like oil. She threw the flowers she had picked as a bouquet. She prepared a bigger meal than usual. It awas a party after all. But she had leftovers, because the dress was too tight around the hips. The girl tossed the bouquet, the dress and the leftovers to the bottom of the dump site and went to sleep. And thus the wedding ceremony was over.

The girl started drawing self portraits the day after the wedding ceremony. Even though she was married, there was no one except her in her world. That is why she put herself into the painting. The girl put herself in to all of the paintings. In that world beyond, the 2 of them were laughing together. Looking at herself in the paintings, she felt strange. The girl could not really understand that feeling. Nevertheless, it continued to attract the girl's interest.

Something mysterious happened. The two in those paintings had moved. The girl was not startled, for she had been trying to create humans from the beginning. "Did it work?" The god looked inside the paintings. The two in the pictures seemed to be having fun, smiling at each other. But the paintings were blurred. The world itself appeared blurred."Why", the girl thought. A strange feeling developed in her mind. She could not describe what it was. She wondered why the paintings became blurred, even though she painted them so clearly. The two in the paintings were smiling at each other. That was what she felt. She repainted them. Over and over again. But the results were exactly the same. She was at a loss. She began to be unsure of everything. The girl was the only one in the world, that made her the god of the world. So she thought she should make her world much cleaner.

She burned all the pictures. She set fire to the mansion and the old castle. Along with the structures, she burned all her memories. Lastly, the god threw the thrash, the only thrash left in the world, out from the cliff.

Toradora ep. 17,18,19

After being away for close to 3 weekends, 3 episodes of this uber-licious anime have passed. Which is just as well, since they are linked together, so I'll might as well discuss them all together. These 3 episodes are all about the events leading up to the Christmas party that the characters are going to have. Its something special for all them, as is usual for these anime people. Mine christmas is always the same as any other day.. :( Maybe this year its going to change eh? Anyway.. its significant particularly for Ryuuji and Taiga. For Ryuuji, its of course about trying to jio Minorin.. while for Taiga is more about the Santa that she believes it.

Now.. about Ryuuji and Minorin, we have finally seen the emo side of Minorin. and with good reason too. She secretly likes Ryuuji too, but being perceptive of her good friend Taiga, she hangs back. The current relation between Ryuuji and Taiga is almost like that of very good friends, or should I say.. more like Taiga is depending exclusively of Ryuuji to take care of her. Perhaps she doesn't really realise just how much she depends on Ryuuji. As such of a unique interaction, Ryuuji and Taiga seems to work quite well together, gaining special insight into other's thoughts. While Taiga is infatuated with Kitamura, Minorin understands that actually Taiga is more dependant on Ryuuji than Taiga actually realises. Minorin acutely understands that Ryuuji and Taiga are probably more suited for each other, for the both of them actually seems to work quite well in tandem. As such, Minorin tries her best not to encourage any development between herself and Ryuuji.. even though she likes him. And so there's a conflict of feelings there.. painful for her I'm sure.

Back to the main part, which is christmas preparation.. Something that Taiga is extremely excited about. Cute right? Unfortunately Ryuuji does not seem to be that excited about it. But whatever. And then , Taiga was talking about creating chances for him and Ryuuji.. something along lines of being reincarnated into Ai Tenshi, Cupid. Is that a stalk of celery I see? Yea, very convincing. But things aren't that easy.. Minorin declined the offer to go.
That's her, cooking a tale about having to go to ball practice.




Anyway, the preparations for the party continues.. And then its the real thing. The party gets underway after a duet between Ami-chan and Taiga, and then.. Taiga mysteriously leaves halfway. It appears that that she went home for 2 purpose.. to get Minorin to go to the party, and then after that goes home to wait for Santa. .. Except there's no Santa. The metaphor here is significant. Because the Santa refers to the somebody who cares for her. For Taiga, well, she has been living alone for quite a period of time away from family. Before Ryuuji, she has no friends except Minorin. Therefore it is quite understandable for her to yearn for alittle care. Just as when her emo-ness is about to wax, who turns up? Yea Santa! Erm, a Santa Teddy strictly speaking. They have a good time together enjoying the moment, and then Taiga pulls off the teddy head, to reveal the person that she knew it was all along, Ryuuji. Here we can see just how much Ryuuji is concerned about Taiga's happiness, also displaying a good insight into what she's feeling. He's always doing this kind of little things for her, without asking for anything in return, or any reason except out of kindness.

Then she sends him off to look for Minorin, only to find herself crying involuntarily after his leave. It is just then she realises just how much he means to her, and that she not ready yet to give him up. She tries to chase after him, but he has already left, and all these is seen by Minorin standing out of sight. Then irony appears, for Minorin finds Ryuuji, and rejects him even before he can speak. Episode 19 ends here then. Well, I'll wait for further development on this upcoming weekend! The game have just changed.

We sparkle all the more brightly because we are flawed. Just like a flawed crystal will sparkle under light along the edges.

New Zealand

Well, as hoped, I am finally back from New Zealand in one piece. It was less sian than the month long trip to Australia, but still I crave the creature comforts I have here at home. But I'll say that my stay for 18 days wasn't too shabby. First of all, there was proper toilets there! And the tentage there are much upgraded compared to those that I stayed in during my trip to Australia, with heaters. And they provided with lots of warm clothing. Plus the cookhouse there serves the most delicious food there, definitely more so than the ones in Singapore. Lamb? Beef? Chicken? Fish? And the dessert there is simply heavenly.

Ok, next up is that the scenery there is simply.. breathtaking. Wide plains, with only few short trees that dot the landscape. Plenty of grass that are not higher than your knees, soft and comfortable to lie on. Mountainous terrain also present, with an occasional stream or river that cuts through the landscape. In the background, was ever present the ancient volcano, Mount Ruapehu. Its snow-capped, and therefore adds more to the scenery. Soil around this volcano is visibly black and fine. Pictures of scenery can be seen, on the facebook. I'm still in the process of uploading it.

Life there was pretty rushed for us, as the schedule was packed, not so much with staying overnight outfield, but more with using up all the avaliable opportunities to conduct firing of the weapons. So it could pretty tiring on some days.. Though the thought of good food for dinner, warm bath in the toilets afterwards, plus a great night snacks, and finally curl up comfortably and warm to sleep, made all this still bearable.

Did I mention that weather there could be shocking to Singaporeans unprepared? Yeah, weather there is cool by virtue of the cold winds that blows strong across the landscape. The sun that appears during the daytime, shoots the most piercing and hot rays. Instantly cooking and burning your skin the moment it is exposed. But the cold wind soothes the feeling instantly, and is all the deadlier for it. For you are getting sunburnt without realising it, and therefore is not moving out of the sun's way. The wind removes a lot of the moisture from your skin, leaving it dry and cracked. More damage coupled with the sunburn.. yea, you get the picture. Ouch. The wierd feeling of simultaneuous hot and cold during daytime.. Then at night, the nights turn severely cold, as the cold winds sweep across the plains unimpeded. If you are out without the windbreaker, good luck to you. If you washed your hands and then proceeded to go outside without properly wiping your hands dry, good luck to your hands too. They would have turned to ice preserved flesh.

To sum up the trip however, it is my own observation that going to countries like Australia and New Zealand is to admire the landscape there. For the cities are relatively uninteresting. Apart from the few native goods unique to their culture, their cities do not compare as well economically compared to Singapore's. City life everywhere is the same. So there is little culture differences to talk about. But the metropolitan-ness, the connectedness of Singapore's Orchard Road for example, is evident. Our large flux of international trade, allows our shops here to boast of the most varied products ever. Also, I still prefer our cities, where the layout is planned. In cities of New Zealand and Australia, I notice that they are closely built with little order. After a while, there is a feel of being cramped in, if you are living in the city. Which therefore explains why most people working in the city would not be living in the city but rather on the sub-urbs.

European countries, would be the most interesting to go to in my opinion. Because they have achieved the highest level of culture relative to other countries. Their people are contented to rest of their achievements, and therefore quite a lot of their cities retain the quaint old time feel from when they were younger. To go there, would be definitely a good visual and mental experience.

Too bad I do not have alot of opportunity to buy stuff, they only gave that much time, and all the shops close early! Like 6 pm! Despite the sun-down time being 9 pm. Singapore's shops would have been open all the way. Haiz.. So i did not get to spend much at all. Did even get to see the strip club. T.T Just joking.. not interested.

Well, I guess thats that. Its break time now, ala at home! For a full week! Woo hoo..